There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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