Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
