areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
