A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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