Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
