You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No subtext here. People are naked.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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