literally had 100 drinks last night.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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