who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
