"it" just moved
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
