I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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