you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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