Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
