Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
