tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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