im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize