Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
