Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
