you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
