is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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