I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
