What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
