some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
