ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
