did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
