You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
