judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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