party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
