my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
