she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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