Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
