Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
