Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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