Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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