Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
