Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
