non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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