u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize