I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
