I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize