R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
