Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
