He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
