I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
