quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
