Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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