I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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