i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I could make wine with my vomit
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
