Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
