I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
