tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
