And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
