sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
