omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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