This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
