WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
