God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
