FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
