I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have already put on my inside pants.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
