Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
