so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
