your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
