I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
