Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
