She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
