I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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