Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
