Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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