This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
