I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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