are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
