normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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