we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I could make wine with my vomit
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
