I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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