Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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