So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
