Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
