Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
